for free

We need to give it away. We need to give it away for free!

“What are you mad!?”

no. just coming to my senses.

everybody trys to make a buck, gain something in return. nobody wants to give it away for free.

what am i talking about?

in simpler times…it was given away for free.

but now in much more ‘sophisticated‘ times …everything has a price. everything has an agenda.

wow why so cynical. i want to move away from the cynical old Mr. Frederickson (from UP) to the brand new Mr. Frederickson who stands by Russell and stands UP for Kevin, and chooses adventure and risk vs. safety , comfort, and isolation. Mr. Frederickson gives up his house, everything he has left, for Russell and Kevin. He gives up everything for the next generation.

Relationships cost. They cost greatly, my generation and the generation below still don’t know this yet. We think that friendships like the standard options in a car. We are good people therefore we deserve good friends. Uh uh…nope. not true. That holds as much water as this one: I graduated from a 4 year university, therefore i deserve a job. Nope. not in this economic reality. Some even more absurd, sadly unaware peeps…think i’m such a great guy/gal, such a great catch, i deserve a great boyfriend/girlfriend. Sounds absurd when you say it or read it. But many people including myself once or still work off of this paradigm.

So what are we giving away for free?

I’ve been fortunate to have made many friends while growing up. Painfully though, i had to move quite a bit…and didn’t really get to develop ‘life-long’ friendships until college. I consider my friendships as amazing gifts. i don’t deserve these great friendships. there’s nothing i can point out to outline why i have these friendships or what formula worked. the miracle of friendship is what i received. and for that i’m forever grateful, to God, to fate, to my friends.

5 years ago, i was visiting Seoul, Korea (where i was born). There was a middle aged couple, who were my parents friends who when they saw me started to smile and look at me with disbelief and said “can this be?…is this our little Han Shin” TIMEOUT my name is not HanShin, its DaiShin actually. Wrong. how embarrassing, how awkward for you; parents friends who saw me last when i was 2 months old.TIME-IN oddly enough my parents did not correct them…they actually agreed with them.

WHAT is going on here? My name is Dai Shin mom and dad…you’ve never called me Han Shin….what the heck?

So i played along and acted like a Han Shin, whatever that looks like, i should’ve gotten an oscar.

I confronted my parents back at our hotel. WHO’s Han Shin? what’s going on? my parents tell me that they were gonna name me Han Shin….and they changed it to DaiShin or basically picked DaiShin as my legal name. But many including that couple thought my name was the former. This in itself or my origin story is a whole ‘nother blog entry. Ok i digress.

It’s my parents friends like those that didn’t know my name even but would love on me, buy me food, pinched my cheeks way too hard, buy me toys my parents didn’t wanna splurge on, send me money when i graduated, offered me jobs while i was in college. they had NO idea who  i was and yet i was shown favor… it irked me. what if i was a lunatic, i simply didn’t like getting favor just because they knew my dad and his character…They don’t know me! Maybe i had a chip on my shoulder, i just didn’t like it.

Fast forward from finding out i had an alternative name at birth to when one of my best friends has his Son. The day after my wife and I celebrated our 2nd year anniversary, from Vegas we’re gunnin’ on our Civic to get to our friends hospital room to meet this guy we never met before: Micah.

When i saw him. I was elated. It made me so proud to be his uncle. so proud to see one of our own. my friends son, but one whom i intend to show favor and love his whole life.

Maybe that’s what my dad’s friends like me. I appreciate it now. Whether you call me hanshin or daishin , no worries. I accept. I choose to receive the love.

This is what we’re not giving away for free.

We’re holding back our favor/love for the next generation. only to our very own children. only to my blood family. No. we need to freely give love away. Realistically we can’t love everybody, its not just strangers either. Its intentional, but who can plan for friendships. Mr. Frederickson chose Russell. I chose Micah. and I choose countless others who are younger than me. Because countless others older than me chose to love me.

Social Captial at its best. Pay it forward, give it away for free, love without strings. whatever you wanna call it.

In a small village, in simpler times, in homogeneous cultures, social capital is more evident. But in cities, and big suburbs, and in multiculture contexts, we ration it, we isolate ourselves. We choose comfort and safety. We need to risk it all, and give it away for free!

Who’s with me? its not gonna be easy. But let’s plant these tiny seeds…and in a generations time, 100,000 strong oaks will grow. stronger and better that the trees before it. It’s all about the next. Let’s give our love and favor to them freely.