We went to the NICU yesterday (day 33) and she is now out of the issolette/incubator! She is in a regular crib! That only means her timeline to come home is that much sooner! As of today she is a massive 3lbs 12oz.

Here’s a video I made for my wife’s baby shower, showing the journey of our 1st month so far.

2 weeks ago, my wife and I went to the hospital for a check up for my then pregnant wife who was 30 weeks in. Still early but we had just found out our little baby girl had a heart issue and needed some close bi-weekly monitoring at the hospital. During the routine check up, my baby’s heart beat fell from a healthy 135 bpm to a low 55 bpm and then just was gone…

our nurse ran back into the room, hit the emergency button, 3 more nurses rushed in, they got an oxygen mask on my wife, our baby’s heartbeat climbed up to 155 bpm. we were in disbelief and denial at first, thinking they over-reacted, maybe it was an instrument dysfunction.

the nurse acted on what she sense was a pretty big red flag. we were sent to the labor and delivery floor for further testing. our 45 min appointment became a 3 hour-long thing. during the 2nd testing…our baby’s heartbeat fell twice. our doctor told us we weren’t going home that day, my wife was to stay for 48 hours.

we were both rattled but the doctor was saying it was all precautionary, an early labor may be possible but they would just be keeping an eye on us. the baby did better overnight as my wife was given IV fluids and the next morning the doctor said we may be able to go home tomorrow.

a few hours after that, our nurse ran in because she saw from her monitor station that our baby’s heartbeat fell twice! one of them was for a nine minute stretch! The nurse for this shift was actually a 32 week pregnant woman w/ twins, she was more pregnant than my wife, but her mother’s instinct kicked in, and because the doctor couldn’t make it back in time to make the call for the move to the OR, the pregnant nurse became a General and started rallying the other nurses with sharp and strong orders. within minutes my wife was on a gurney and flying down to the OR floor.

we were both in shock. my wife was actually shaking as she was not ready for this baby to come. it was an emergency C-section so I had to wait outside. within 20 minutes, someone came to get me saying “your baby is here, she’s crying strong!” I was so overjoyed I ran down the hallway towards my wife’s OR. the doctors and nurses were pushing a movable incubator for babies, I yelled out “whose baby is that?” they asked “what’s your last name” I replied “Park!”. “Congratulations! this is your daughter!”

She is beautiful!

because our daughter was a premature baby, she had to be transported to CHOC, they have a bigger NICU. As difficult as it was to part ways for our baby for a while, we knew so far she was healthy and mom had made it out of a life or death situation. We were so thankful and happy.

I have a new found respect for nurses. not only for the General w/ twins but also the countless nurses who helped and served my wife as she recovered from her emergency C-section surgery.

My hats off to the NICU nurses as well, who take such good care of my daughter. Little Abby is in the hands of these highly trained & highly compassionate nurses for the next 6-8 weeks. We see Abby everyday, and everyday we see the NICU nurses do their job of being primary care givers to our fragile baby and so many other precious babies.

Thank You Nurses for all that you do. The things that are not acknowledged. The unseen things that you do when our baby is sleeping. The countless checking on patients when they are resting/recovering/sleeping, assisting bathroom trips, changing bedding, cleaning bed pans, administering meds, knowing exactly what each patient needs, working 12+ hour shifts, working the night shifts. Thank You.

here’s a nurse taking care of little Abby

going back to my baby’s heart issue. it’s called coarctation of the aorta. we were told she needed surgery for sure at birth. we prayed and asked our friends, family, and church to pray as well, by God’s faithfulness her coarctation of the aorta is no more! it’s been ruled out! Thank you God for being faithful, healer, and loving Father.

my baby is now back to her birth weight of 2lbs and 9oz, she is a fighter and is breathing on her own as of day 2, eating as of 4 days ago. We can’t wait for her to come home.

EDIT: She is 2 weeks old today

But World Cup Mini-posters.

I guess Mini-posters doesn’t really sound manly…but it’s much better than stickers. I told my college students that when i was in 4th grade i collected world cup stickers… i heard myself say it and quickly restated as World Cup Mini-posters.

I grew up in Singapore, and when i was growing up Panini Sticker Books aka Mini-Poster Books were what was in. This was right before i got into Dragon Ball-Z cards. OOOH i still wish i had all my Dragon Ball Z cards. I’ll bring that up on another post in the future.

So back in 1990, yes 20 years ago when i was 9 i collected Panini mini-posters for Italia 90′
When i came back from Thailand 2 years ago, while cleaning up some old stuff at my parents place i found this:

man, i was so happy, brought back a flood of memories! It was perfect timing, as the 2010 world cup was coming up. Now…i guess it’s almost all over, but before world cup fever disappears in the USA, i wanted to share some of the football heroes that i remember from my childhood. To be honest, i didn’t really follow the world cup for reals until 1994 when it was here in the USA. At that time i was still in Singapore, my dad bought a brand new 27″ tv! it was a big screen to us at the time. For the world cup he spent big money on that fat tube TV!
My bro and I woke up early to watch Korea play. They tied with Spain 2-2, tied 0-0 w/ Bolivia, and then got CRUSHED by Germany 3-2…i remember Jürgen Klinsmann, now commentator, former coach, then star player. He scored 2 on Korea…but his 1st goal was especially sick… check it out

Klinsmann

anyways now onto positive memories:

team argentina 90'

maradonna 90'

check out maradonna then

the 24 teams Italia 90'

Ruud Gullit

Dunga

Romario

Roberto Baggio

Now these were hard to get, rare Gold ones:

Gold mini-posters!

Gold mini-posters!!

We need to give it away. We need to give it away for free!

“What are you mad!?”

no. just coming to my senses.

everybody trys to make a buck, gain something in return. nobody wants to give it away for free.

what am i talking about?

in simpler times…it was given away for free.

but now in much more ‘sophisticated‘ times …everything has a price. everything has an agenda.

wow why so cynical. i want to move away from the cynical old Mr. Frederickson (from UP) to the brand new Mr. Frederickson who stands by Russell and stands UP for Kevin, and chooses adventure and risk vs. safety , comfort, and isolation. Mr. Frederickson gives up his house, everything he has left, for Russell and Kevin. He gives up everything for the next generation.

Relationships cost. They cost greatly, my generation and the generation below still don’t know this yet. We think that friendships like the standard options in a car. We are good people therefore we deserve good friends. Uh uh…nope. not true. That holds as much water as this one: I graduated from a 4 year university, therefore i deserve a job. Nope. not in this economic reality. Some even more absurd, sadly unaware peeps…think i’m such a great guy/gal, such a great catch, i deserve a great boyfriend/girlfriend. Sounds absurd when you say it or read it. But many people including myself once or still work off of this paradigm.

So what are we giving away for free?

I’ve been fortunate to have made many friends while growing up. Painfully though, i had to move quite a bit…and didn’t really get to develop ‘life-long’ friendships until college. I consider my friendships as amazing gifts. i don’t deserve these great friendships. there’s nothing i can point out to outline why i have these friendships or what formula worked. the miracle of friendship is what i received. and for that i’m forever grateful, to God, to fate, to my friends.

5 years ago, i was visiting Seoul, Korea (where i was born). There was a middle aged couple, who were my parents friends who when they saw me started to smile and look at me with disbelief and said “can this be?…is this our little Han Shin” TIMEOUT my name is not HanShin, its DaiShin actually. Wrong. how embarrassing, how awkward for you; parents friends who saw me last when i was 2 months old.TIME-IN oddly enough my parents did not correct them…they actually agreed with them.

WHAT is going on here? My name is Dai Shin mom and dad…you’ve never called me Han Shin….what the heck?

So i played along and acted like a Han Shin, whatever that looks like, i should’ve gotten an oscar.

I confronted my parents back at our hotel. WHO’s Han Shin? what’s going on? my parents tell me that they were gonna name me Han Shin….and they changed it to DaiShin or basically picked DaiShin as my legal name. But many including that couple thought my name was the former. This in itself or my origin story is a whole ‘nother blog entry. Ok i digress.

It’s my parents friends like those that didn’t know my name even but would love on me, buy me food, pinched my cheeks way too hard, buy me toys my parents didn’t wanna splurge on, send me money when i graduated, offered me jobs while i was in college. they had NO idea who  i was and yet i was shown favor… it irked me. what if i was a lunatic, i simply didn’t like getting favor just because they knew my dad and his character…They don’t know me! Maybe i had a chip on my shoulder, i just didn’t like it.

Fast forward from finding out i had an alternative name at birth to when one of my best friends has his Son. The day after my wife and I celebrated our 2nd year anniversary, from Vegas we’re gunnin’ on our Civic to get to our friends hospital room to meet this guy we never met before: Micah.

When i saw him. I was elated. It made me so proud to be his uncle. so proud to see one of our own. my friends son, but one whom i intend to show favor and love his whole life.

Maybe that’s what my dad’s friends like me. I appreciate it now. Whether you call me hanshin or daishin , no worries. I accept. I choose to receive the love.

This is what we’re not giving away for free.

We’re holding back our favor/love for the next generation. only to our very own children. only to my blood family. No. we need to freely give love away. Realistically we can’t love everybody, its not just strangers either. Its intentional, but who can plan for friendships. Mr. Frederickson chose Russell. I chose Micah. and I choose countless others who are younger than me. Because countless others older than me chose to love me.

Social Captial at its best. Pay it forward, give it away for free, love without strings. whatever you wanna call it.

In a small village, in simpler times, in homogeneous cultures, social capital is more evident. But in cities, and big suburbs, and in multiculture contexts, we ration it, we isolate ourselves. We choose comfort and safety. We need to risk it all, and give it away for free!

Who’s with me? its not gonna be easy. But let’s plant these tiny seeds…and in a generations time, 100,000 strong oaks will grow. stronger and better that the trees before it. It’s all about the next. Let’s give our love and favor to them freely.

Baseball Fantasies
Chasing after wind, maybe
Keeper League: Utley

inspired by http://www.mifocals.com/

i was extremely sad and angry…and then elated as perhaps it was time to procure a new phone, then immediately sad again as the existence or non existence of the ‘silent button’ doesn’t render a phone useless just yet.

i’ve been wanting to buy a few new things, but my wise wife says “only unless the older one completely dies.”

i’ve not blogged in a while, and i thought that a broken switch could be a catalyst for a profound conversation, as my friend Andres would say “being profound is like a river.” Nothing really profound just a smoke screen of words to make this situation deeper than it really is.

i thought it may have potential, just because i talk quite a lot. well sometimes. but i can be lengthy with my words. i do remember when i was in college, while dating my wife, i would be late in picking her up, and then i’ll proceed in telling her the really good reason why i was late. it was imperative that i was engaged in this or that…but after a few of these exchanges, my wife quite poignantly told me “you don’t have to explain.”

Don’t have to explain!?!? but as an ENFP, as a storyteller, as a man i wanted her to know. I want people to like me so i have these explanations these stories to help my cause. but i was told that it was just excuses. truly, i’ve never seen it that way before. for me, an earth shattering slap in the face. a breaking down of reality, pretty dramatic huh… i told you i like to tell stories. This is because my dad’s a great story teller, but that’s another story. (btw i never thought my dad was one who gave excuses tho_)

My friend and i were watching this tv piece on Tony Dungy. The reporter asked him for his mantra in life, and without blinking, because Tony Dungy doesn’t blink (that’s the only negative thing about him), he proceeds to recite something that’s been written on his locker room for years. “Expectations, Execution, No Excuses, No Explanations.”

This successful coach’s words for some reason rang with the same frequency of truth as coach Meyers (who’s ESPY speech can still be seen on and older post below). Coach Meyers spoke of no whining and no complaining.

I guess the fact that i’m blogging lends to the fact that i do explain too much. i wanna execute more. i want to be a man of action not just words.

I always considered myself an idealist, but as i got older i detected a hint of hopefully healthy cynicism. I don’t know what i am, maybe an idealistic cynic, or a cynical idealist… i dunno, but i think i know why i am that way. i use to think of ideas and would carry out some…but for some reason as i got older and older i would think of more ideas, but would execute less of them…and maybe because of that i’ve become cynical not of the world but of myself…being profound is like a river…

it was good to hear from her as it was the eve of thanksgiving.
——————————————————————-
when i was in high school, my dad and mom would wake us up early on thanksgiving morning, my brother and i would pout and lag, then begrudgingly roll into my dad’s 94′ Buick Park Avenue. we hated waking up early on our holiday, on our day without school. we had to make it to Rowland Heights by 10am. As we have made it there, almost every year since moving to America.

A church in Rowland Heights decided on thanksgiving day they would try to host korean missionaries who were in the states on furlough, studying at seminary or just resting/doing ministry in the states. They wanted to give missionary families a shot in the arm and a reminder that they were not forgotten and that they were simply loved.

There would be an adult service; which to be honest i dreaded, unless my dad was speaking (my dad is an amazing story teller; the best)…but after the service had ended food would be served. the spread was pretty amazing, multiple turkeys, honey glazed ham, stuffing, dumplings, candied yam, kim chi, various korean event entrees, pies, cranberry sauce, mash potatoes, etc… The elders and deacons of this church went out of their way and served us missionary kids and missionary families.

And after the long sermons and story telling and singing, and eating, we were given parting gifts. sometimes they were mini blankets, socks, shirts, towels, the typical korean church gifts.

when i was in high school i hated it, felt like it was so contrived, and knew that the people at the church didn’t even know me, they were just doing this for my dad’s sake… felt like it was a waste of time…

looking back now and talking with my bro, it was actually a very memorable event, that we both kinda miss. this surprised me; i wondered why i missed it, when i hated waking up and sitting and waiting…

i realized it was because of the moments in the car, my parents and i would always talk and share stories as we drove home, my parents were the envy of their fellow missionary friends as we were older than the other kids and were able to drive our parents home after the event. little things like that brings back good memories; and i guess even tho waking up early sucked…without fail we would always knew that we would be on Colima on thanksgiving day. that’s not the case anymore, for the past 4 years, i have not celerbated Thanksgiving with my family.

the last 3 years i was in Thailand, and this last year even though i am back in the states, my parents are in korea now and my bro last year was stuck in SF working. This year, however, i got to spend it with my bro, my bro in-law, my beautiful wife and her dad. the 5 of us got to have turkey, stuffing, mash potatoes, mushrooms with garlic, broccoli, french fries, candied yam, cranberry sauce, pie, ice cream, the works. it was awesome.

this was particularly rewarding to me as my brother and i, because we grew up all over the place, wanted to create our own family traditions to one day pass on to our future kids. almost like our own customized ‘festivous.’
——————————————————————-
as i shared earlier in this post my mom called the day before thanksgiving, i had just learned that my dad’s bro, my uncle had passed away in his sleep. devastating news. my uncle is 9 years younger than my dad. he leaves behind his wife and 2 sons. my parents had just come back from seoul, after his funeral. just 2 years ago my mom had lost her dad and now my dad had lost his younger bro. I prayed for my 2 cousins and aunt who i barely know as they live in korea. what a horrible lost, and difficult time for them. i’m still trying to process all this. I called him 승구 삼춘 and i remember some of my earliest memories before i moved to singapore, when he would take me to eat 짜장면 (my fave korean/chinese dish). i think i remember watching Air Wolf but dubbed in korean at his house…when he stood next to my dad and next to my grand ma before she passed, the 3 of them look like 3 Russian dolls, identical, carbon copies but 3 different sizes. i’m gonna miss him. he always looked out for my bro and I when we visited korea, even if it was for a short time.

as my bro and my wife got to celebrate our version of thanksgiving, we got to enjoy my father-in-law playing the Wii for the first time. it was super entertaining. i will post that video in the near future, so we can all enjoy.

I am thankful for this past week. Thankful for 3 years of marriage to my beautiful Annette. Thankful that i got to to spend thanksgiving with my bro who flew in from Dallas. Thankful that my uncle has gone to heaven, my dad mentioned that all were comforted at the funeral, as his face was one of such peace and joy even in his passing. I’m thankful for great friends to eat an impromptu pot luck dinner with and simply enjoy each others company.

Feeling lost. Feeling directionless. Feeling hopeless. Feeling like your just going through the motions. Feeling like you should be better at going through motions. Feeling like this FOG just won’t clear.

Then a beam of light shoots through. Then an ounce of warmth on your skin. We’re not done yet. We’re not finished. The DAY is coming. The night, the darkness, the fog, its temporary. But a moment. In the moment, it feels like an eternity, but when the SUN hits, the Fog evaporates and clears, and life trumps death.

From the ashes a new phoenix bursts through the clouds.

Speaking of TV shows. I recently picked up FlashForward and GLEE as I still await LOST and 24. FlashForward deals with the whole earth seeing the future. And because they’ve seen what’s coming most of the people are lost, dejected…unable to live in the moment. In contrast on Glee, Finn chooses to lead, finally. He claims that a leader sees the future. And He sees a future where a student can be a Glee club member and on the football team. Radical stuff ;p

But for some reason that struck a chord in me. A leader is one who sees the future. And actively makes decisions and works towards this future. MLK jr. saw a future where people were not judged by the color of their skins but by the content of their hearts. He worked and lead the civil rights movement in the direction of today and beyond.

We are Lost when we don’t know where are, sometimes when we don’t know where we came from and ultimately when we don’t know where we are going. Today as i Watched Glee, with the grape slushies, and a guilty moment of enjoyment of the thong song, i was found. I was Lost but now I am found.

most sci-fi films predict in their way that the future is dark and technology is bad. perhaps.

but perhaps not.

what if everybody has access to technology? technology is not as equally distributed in our world. obviously technology is not the answer to all our problems…it actually can be root of some of our biggest problems. such as global warming…the lost art of communication…children losing their innocence because of the images and things they see and learn on TVs, movies, and the internet…etc. But technology can also be the solution to some of these big problems.

what if every kid in the world gets a lap top? would that be better for the world? i guess in some way it would allow for more equal opportunities…or maybe just more video gaming only?

what if everybody had an iphone? sure people’s phone bill would be high… would we be more effective in our day? get more things done? be more connected? or just be more into ourselves, be more isolated, be on the phone when your loved ones are right next to you?

just some thoughts…the way our world is headed…i wonder… capitalism creates opportunities…but not everyone has those opportunities…so that’s a problem…but what if everybody had the same opportunities? would that be a problem too? i guess either way there would be problems in the world…

i love ESPN and watching sports but sometimes these man zombies cannot be reached; it’s like when Apollo 13 goes around the dark side of the moon. I felt like it was so pathetic when husbands would shut down like that.

However, i too have joined the man zombie nation. sad, i know. but not too long into my marriage, i’ve noticed, actually my wife noticed my tunnel vision, glued to the tv screen unable to look away because i was completely giving my attention to ESPN.

It’s actually one of man’s strength to be able to focus on a task and give his full devotion and attention.

2 nights ago i went on a date with my wife, we haven’t been out on date just by ourselves in a while cuz we’ve had a slew of guests stay with us. we had so much fun, eating, talking, playing games, watching a movie, and just laughing out loud together. i was able to fully focus on my wife and really enjoy the time we had together, it was the best.

i hope my man zombie tendency will lessen and i’ll be more alive and fully alert to life and to my wife . i love my wife, she’s the best.

i wanted to share one video clip from the ESPY’s that really blew my mind and spoke to my heart. i guess one positive thing from man zombie time. It’s about a not so famous coach who had a devastating car accident and despite all that exhibited such amazing character. Coach Meyer is truly from another generation, i think i have so much to learn from his work ethic, character, and awareness of his purpose and privilege in life to serve others.