broken switch

last night, i think after a thorough workout at the gym while listening to music from my phone…i found my ’silent button’ broken off of my phone.

i was extremely sad and angry…and then elated as perhaps it was time to procure a new phone, then immediately sad again as the existence or non existence of the ’silent button’ doesn’t render a phone useless just yet.

i’ve been wanting to buy a few new things, but my wise wife says “only unless the older one completely dies.”

i’ve not blogged in a while, and i thought that a broken switch could be a catalyst for a profound conversation, as my friend Andres would say “being profound is like a river.” Nothing really profound just a smoke screen of words to make this situation deeper than it really is.

i thought it may have potential, just because i talk quite a lot. well sometimes. but i can be lengthy with my words. i do remember when i was in college, while dating my wife, i would be late in picking her up, and then i’ll proceed in telling her the really good reason why i was late. it was imperative that i was engaged in this or that…but after a few of these exchanges, my wife quite poignantly told me “you don’t have to explain.”

Don’t have to explain!?!? but as an ENFP, as a storyteller, as a man i wanted her to know. I want people to like me so i have these explanations these stories to help my cause. but i was told that it was just excuses. truly, i’ve never seen it that way before. for me, an earth shattering slap in the face. a breaking down of reality, pretty dramatic huh… i told you i like to tell stories. This is because my dad’s a great story teller, but that’s another story. (btw i never thought my dad was one who gave excuses tho_)

My friend and i were watching this tv piece on Tony Dungy. The reporter asked him for his mantra in life, and without blinking, because Tony Dungy doesn’t blink (that’s the only negative thing about him), he proceeds to recite something that’s been written on his locker room for years. “Expectations, Execution, No Excuses, No Explanations.”

This successful coach’s words for some reason rang with the same frequency of truth as coach Meyers (who’s ESPY speech can still be seen on and older post below). Coach Meyers spoke of no whining and no complaining.

I guess the fact that i’m blogging lends to the fact that i do explain too much. i wanna execute more. i want to be a man of action not just words.

I always considered myself an idealist, but as i got older i detected a hint of hopefully healthy cynicism. I don’t know what i am, maybe an idealistic cynic, or a cynical idealist… i dunno, but i think i know why i am that way. i use to think of ideas and would carry out some…but for some reason as i got older and older i would think of more ideas, but would execute less of them…and maybe because of that i’ve become cynical not of the world but of myself…being profound is like a river…

Thankful

2 days ago, i got a call from my mom.

it was good to hear from her as it was the eve of thanksgiving.
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when i was in high school, my dad and mom would wake us up early on thanksgiving morning, my brother and i would pout and lag, then begrudgingly roll into my dad’s 94′ Buick Park Avenue. we hated waking up early on our holiday, on our day without school. we had to make it to Rowland Heights by 10am. As we have made it there, almost every year since moving to America.

A church in Rowland Heights decided on thanksgiving day they would try to host korean missionaries who were in the states on furlough, studying at seminary or just resting/doing ministry in the states. They wanted to give missionary families a shot in the arm and a reminder that they were not forgotten and that they were simply loved.

There would be an adult service; which to be honest i dreaded, unless my dad was speaking (my dad is an amazing story teller; the best)…but after the service had ended food would be served. the spread was pretty amazing, multiple turkeys, honey glazed ham, stuffing, dumplings, candied yam, kim chi, various korean event entrees, pies, cranberry sauce, mash potatoes, etc… The elders and deacons of this church went out of their way and served us missionary kids and missionary families.

And after the long sermons and story telling and singing, and eating, we were given parting gifts. sometimes they were mini blankets, socks, shirts, towels, the typical korean church gifts.

when i was in high school i hated it, felt like it was so contrived, and knew that the people at the church didn’t even know me, they were just doing this for my dad’s sake… felt like it was a waste of time…

looking back now and talking with my bro, it was actually a very memorable event, that we both kinda miss. this surprised me; i wondered why i missed it, when i hated waking up and sitting and waiting…

i realized it was because of the moments in the car, my parents and i would always talk and share stories as we drove home, my parents were the envy of their fellow missionary friends as we were older than the other kids and were able to drive our parents home after the event. little things like that brings back good memories; and i guess even tho waking up early sucked…without fail we would always knew that we would be on Colima on thanksgiving day. that’s not the case anymore, for the past 4 years, i have not celerbated Thanksgiving with my family.

the last 3 years i was in Thailand, and this last year even though i am back in the states, my parents are in korea now and my bro last year was stuck in SF working. This year, however, i got to spend it with my bro, my bro in-law, my beautiful wife and her dad. the 5 of us got to have turkey, stuffing, mash potatoes, mushrooms with garlic, broccoli, french fries, candied yam, cranberry sauce, pie, ice cream, the works. it was awesome.

this was particularly rewarding to me as my brother and i, because we grew up all over the place, wanted to create our own family traditions to one day pass on to our future kids. almost like our own customized ‘festivous.’
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as i shared earlier in this post my mom called the day before thanksgiving, i had just learned that my dad’s bro, my uncle had passed away in his sleep. devastating news. my uncle is 9 years younger than my dad. he leaves behind his wife and 2 sons. my parents had just come back from seoul, after his funeral. just 2 years ago my mom had lost her dad and now my dad had lost his younger bro. I prayed for my 2 cousins and aunt who i barely know as they live in korea. what a horrible lost, and difficult time for them. i’m still trying to process all this. I called him 승구 삼춘 and i remember some of my earliest memories before i moved to singapore, when he would take me to eat 짜장면 (my fave korean/chinese dish). i think i remember watching Air Wolf but dubbed in korean at his house…when he stood next to my dad and next to my grand ma before she passed, the 3 of them look like 3 Russian dolls, identical, carbon copies but 3 different sizes. i’m gonna miss him. he always looked out for my bro and I when we visited korea, even if it was for a short time.

as my bro and my wife got to celebrate our version of thanksgiving, we got to enjoy my father-in-law playing the Wii for the first time. it was super entertaining. i will post that video in the near future, so we can all enjoy.

I am thankful for this past week. Thankful for 3 years of marriage to my beautiful Annette. Thankful that i got to to spend thanksgiving with my bro who flew in from Dallas. Thankful that my uncle has gone to heaven, my dad mentioned that all were comforted at the funeral, as his face was one of such peace and joy even in his passing. I’m thankful for great friends to eat an impromptu pot luck dinner with and simply enjoy each others company.

Lost

No not the the show that i’m waiting to come back, so JJ Abram can play all of us like a fiddle.

Feeling lost. Feeling directionless. Feeling hopeless. Feeling like your just going through the motions. Feeling like you should be better at going through motions. Feeling like this FOG just won’t clear.

Then a beam of light shoots through. Then an ounce of warmth on your skin. We’re not done yet. We’re not finished. The DAY is coming. The night, the darkness, the fog, its temporary. But a moment. In the moment, it feels like an eternity, but when the SUN hits, the Fog evaporates and clears, and life trumps death.

From the ashes a new phoenix bursts through the clouds.

Speaking of TV shows. I recently picked up FlashForward and GLEE as I still await LOST and 24. FlashForward deals with the whole earth seeing the future. And because they’ve seen what’s coming most of the people are lost, dejected…unable to live in the moment. In contrast on Glee, Finn chooses to lead, finally. He claims that a leader sees the future. And He sees a future where a student can be a Glee club member and on the football team. Radical stuff ;p

But for some reason that struck a chord in me. A leader is one who sees the future. And actively makes decisions and works towards this future. MLK jr. saw a future where people were not judged by the color of their skins but by the content of their hearts. He worked and lead the civil rights movement in the direction of today and beyond.

We are Lost when we don’t know where are, sometimes when we don’t know where we came from and ultimately when we don’t know where we are going. Today as i Watched Glee, with the grape slushies, and a guilty moment of enjoyment of the thong song, i was found. I was Lost but now I am found.

captialistic communism

i love watching films. i love sci-fi films.

most sci-fi films predict in their way that the future is dark and technology is bad. perhaps.

but perhaps not.

what if everybody has access to technology? technology is not as equally distributed in our world. obviously technology is not the answer to all our problems…it actually can be root of some of our biggest problems. such as global warming…the lost art of communication…children losing their innocence because of the images and things they see and learn on TVs, movies, and the internet…etc. But technology can also be the solution to some of these big problems.

what if every kid in the world gets a lap top? would that be better for the world? i guess in some way it would allow for more equal opportunities…or maybe just more video gaming only?

what if everybody had an iphone? sure people’s phone bill would be high… would we be more effective in our day? get more things done? be more connected? or just be more into ourselves, be more isolated, be on the phone when your loved ones are right next to you?

just some thoughts…the way our world is headed…i wonder… capitalism creates opportunities…but not everyone has those opportunities…so that’s a problem…but what if everybody had the same opportunities? would that be a problem too? i guess either way there would be problems in the world…

man zombie

when i was in college i use to hear about or actually see husbands who just mindlessly watch TV when they got home from work especially glued to ESPN or sports events. i always thought they were lame and thought to myself what a useless bunch of guys, how dare they let themselves to degenerate into a bunch of man zombies.

i love ESPN and watching sports but sometimes these man zombies cannot be reached; it’s like when Apollo 13 goes around the dark side of the moon. I felt like it was so pathetic when husbands would shut down like that.

However, i too have joined the man zombie nation. sad, i know. but not too long into my marriage, i’ve noticed, actually my wife noticed my tunnel vision, glued to the tv screen unable to look away because i was completely giving my attention to ESPN.

It’s actually one of man’s strength to be able to focus on a task and give his full devotion and attention.

2 nights ago i went on a date with my wife, we haven’t been out on date just by ourselves in a while cuz we’ve had a slew of guests stay with us. we had so much fun, eating, talking, playing games, watching a movie, and just laughing out loud together. i was able to fully focus on my wife and really enjoy the time we had together, it was the best.

i hope my man zombie tendency will lessen and i’ll be more alive and fully alert to life and to my wife . i love my wife, she’s the best.

i wanted to share one video clip from the ESPY’s that really blew my mind and spoke to my heart. i guess one positive thing from man zombie time. It’s about a not so famous coach who had a devastating car accident and despite all that exhibited such amazing character. Coach Meyer is truly from another generation, i think i have so much to learn from his work ethic, character, and awareness of his purpose and privilege in life to serve others.

9 times out of 5

this is my 2nd day at my new place. my wife and i just moved to a new place. from now on i’m always gonna use movers, they were the sons of samson…

i’ve been out of college 5 years now. since then i’ve moved 9 times. for my own sake and because i can be a sentimental man  i will recount all the places i’ve stayed/lived at:

right at the end of college i was living in good old Oxford court, upon graduation i moved to Topaz (1) it was also known as Casino Topaz and the oven was in Celsius, from there i briefly moved into Dovetree(2), then i crashed at a friends place on Bombay(3),i flew to Thailand and live on Phipat (4) which i’ll also label as the dungeon, and to escape the dungeon i fled to Sathorn(5) on the 34th floor ,once i got married, we stayed at (5) for a few more months then moved to Methvonant (6),by the way i think Methvonant is the favorite place that i’ve lived so far. And last May, i left BKK to move back to my parents condo in Arcadia (7), it was a total dump, 3 years of renters had totally stripped the place dry like deforestation…so after 2 months of back breaking labor we unexpectedly moved back to Irvine, Estancia (8), after being there for the past 11 months, we moved to Wycliffe (9).

looking back…the most stable time in my life…stable as in where i lived…was actually in arcadia cuz i actually lived there for 4 years straight, every other time in my life the max i stayed at one spot/residence was no more than 2 years. maybe that’s why my name is abraham

one year

it’s been a year.